Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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