I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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