i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
