the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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