I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
