I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
