He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
