good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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