i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
