Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
