You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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