Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
