he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
