...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
