I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
