I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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