he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
