I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
