No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
