i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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