i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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