i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
