God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
