I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
