dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
