What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
