All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
