i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
