Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So vagazzling was a success
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
