if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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