apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
