Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
