my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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