I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
