a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
