I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
