My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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