Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
