I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
