Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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