Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
