I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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