tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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