She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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