Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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