We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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