your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
