he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
