He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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