yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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