If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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