Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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