You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
