life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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