I bet he comes in French.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
