Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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