I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
