oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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