i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
