Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
