i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
bring money and cleavage
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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