tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
