Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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